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Jun. 15th, 2008

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Ho hum

LJs aren't my thing, I've decided. Journals are too self-centered, introspective, and even a little lonely, despite the networking capabilities. I think this will be my last day using this site.

Apr. 23rd, 2008

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Spring!

It's so pretty outside, which is where I've been for the past week. Flowers are on trees.

Apr. 11th, 2008

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Writer's Block: *Lightbulb Goes Off*

What was the last great epiphany you had?
The last great epiphany I had was that I didn't want to be an academic. I'd been planning to attend a doctoral program since tenth grade, and I daydreamed about being a professor in a small college town. Then last summer, I had this huge crisis where I realized that that wasn't what I wanted at all. Sure, I would probably make a damn good grad student and professor. But I needed a job that I really cared about, and it was weird to realize that I didn't care about my field of interest anymore.

I spent a week in utter panic, since my B.A. wouldn't get me much of a job (Staples is a case in point), until I realized that law school was an option. Then I realized that the LSAT was easy. Then I realized that I would make a damn good lawyer. Not the kind of lawyer they show on television or movies, but the kind that writes contracts and deals with businessmen and prevention, and helps people with their very practical problems.

It would solve so many variables in my life: My fiance wants to be a stay-at-home dad, God bless him, and a lawyer's salary would let that happen. We wouldn't be rich, but it would be good enough; we wouldn't have to move around aimlessly looking for anyplace willing to give me a job; we could have kids sooner, in the next four or five years instead of a longer, intolerable wait.

Thinking about law school made me realize that I didn't understand my personality at all. I always thought I was an intellectual who liked abstract thought. I thought I liked philosophy, for example, since I enjoyed the few phil classes I did take. I still am those things, but I completely missed my desire to help people. Somewhere along the line, I developed a hunger for the "real world" of business suits and briefcases with real briefs inside them.

I think a few things helped me realize this about myself. First and foremost was falling in love and getting engaged, which brought up a slew of questions that I still don't feel old enough to fully tackle. I don't doubt any of my decisions, but I was just floored by how much responsibility I was going to be taking on. Who was I to talk about writing history books and getting tenure when I suddenly wanted a husband and children and needed to provide for them? What good does it do to have your head in the clouds?

Second, it was my conversion to Catholicism, which, strange as it sounds, also helped pull my head out of the clouds. I see the homeless people around here more fully. I see God in strangers and realize that I can't stay in my safe cocoon of familiar friends anymore. I have to go out and help them. Catholic social teaching resonates so well with me that it really changed the way I think about (yes, it's corny) the purpose of life.

Third, I was getting bored with my degree. I'd done it all, and even though I jumped through all their hoops, I really didn't like writing about my field. I didn't like the research. For me, that's weird because I love writing. But it just seemed like a waste of time.

So that's the last epiphany I had. I was going to write about my conversion, but that happened a rather long time ago, now.

Apr. 7th, 2008

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So tired...

Wow, writing a take-home exam is tiring, especially after a long shift. But I finished it, and now I'm trying to finish my German reading before class. You can tell it's working well, since I'm on livejournal.

Now for an actual post about my experiences on LJ, and not just a few words typed hurriedly between exhausting activities. LJ has proved to be a good distraction, not so much that it distracts me from life, but just enough so that I don't go crazy between work and class and socializing. I like to read communities, mostly, and that doesn't surprise me because I've never been much of a journal person. Not that introspective at all, really.

So my posts are probably going to be few and far between because I'm really not that interested in writing about myself.

Apr. 4th, 2008

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Slash

I've read three fanfics of over 150,000 words each in a week. Wow, no wonder I got a C on my accounting exam.

Mar. 30th, 2008

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Whoo!Staples

Yeah. My job takes up a long time. Man, I'm tired.

Mar. 25th, 2008

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Easter Vigil

Last Saturday night was the Easter Vigil, and I received the sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation, and First Communion with other members of the RCIA program. The vigil was a very moving experience and did, in fact, feel like an initiation even though I have been attending Catholic mass for about two years now. So I'm officially Roman Catholic. It feels nice, as if years of searching have finally paid off, and I've found where I need to be.

My sponsor gave me a lovely rosary that belonged to his mother, which was surprising and nice. My fiance gave me an UglyDoll and a Batman graphic novel, which was awesome.

There was also much beer, since my fiance gave up alcohol for Lent. There is now a mini-keg of Heineken in our fridge. Yay beer.

Mar. 20th, 2008

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A couple things I hate

1. Dress shopping

2. My job

Ick.

Mar. 17th, 2008

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Fantastic weekend

This is the last day of my Spring Break, and I spent it magnificently. My fiance recently bought these metal troll models that he uses for one of his miniature war games, and I decided to paint them. It turns out that I did a really good job on the first one, with blue skin shaded in just the right ways. So I said that I'd paint all sixteen of them, and yesterday I tackled the most complicated one, because it's big (about three inches wide, two tall -- its arms are stretched out) and scantily clad, so it was mostly just blue muscles and spikes. It took me both days, but I finally finished it. We just have to put some fake snow and grass on the base. I'm proud of it.

On the bad side, it appears that the owner of the gaming shop where my fiance works (as general manager) is probably going to close soon because of financial problems. It's very bad because we recently bought a car, and between car payments, insurance, and credit cards, he'll need to find a new job that pays almost the same amount. And that's hard to do when you have to tell them you'll be quitting in August. We're in town only until I start law school this fall. I'm worried, but it'll be fine in the end, I'm sure.

I'm getting baptized, finally, this Saturday at the Easter Vigil. I've been in the RCIA program at St. Tom's for almost two years. Now that it's finally my turn for the rites, I'm a strange mix of nervous and simply tired and ready to get it over with and be Catholic.

Oh, and omg DC slash is hot. The internet is a great place to waste the last two months of undergrad.

Mar. 13th, 2008

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Bridesmaids are supposed to do this, right?

I'm addressing about fifty wedding invitations by hand today. It's my evening project. But first I had to enter a lot of addresses and titles into Excel to make it all easier to read, and to prepare for that time when thank-you notes will have to happen. I did about forty of them a few weeks ago, which my fiance helped me fold and stuff. He just doesn't want to do the cursive-writing part of it. His excuse is he doesn't remember how to write in cursive.

I'm expecting around 75 people at my wedding. That's small, and the average wedding has, what, 150 people? But even with that small number, I feel there is a lot of work to do. I can't imagine why paying for everyone's postage (58 cents per invite, plus standard postage for each RSVP card!) twice over again. My parents are paying for a lot of the wedding, but I got stationery-fever (I do belong at Staples, after all) and found some moderately expensive, fancy invites and paid for them myself because of guilt over spending more than necessary on the wedding.

Ah well.

Yesterday my matron of honor and I went to David's Bridal and found this lovely navy blue dress (they call it "marine" blue, but whatever) that flatters her figure in the craziest way. Sadly, that dress didn't come in periwinkle, so I switched dress colors from peri to marine. It'll all work out. As I told my dearest maid, as long as people show up fully clothed, I'll still get married and that's what really matters.

My fiance was so right when he said we should just have a tiny wedding with our closest family members only. The one we have is just too big for our personalities, still! But it's paid for, and in less than three months (eep) it'll all be over.

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